Mother's Day 2014



Celebrated Mother's Day this year by going to church, spending time with my mother-in-law and my hubby's side of the family, and then having dessert and spending the evening with my mom and family. It was a great day! So thankful for this sweet little guy who made me a Momma a little over a year ago.  

 

My heart and soul.

 

Jesse and Grandma

 

He took his Sunday nap snuggled up with Aunt Jamie :)

 

 

My beautiful Momma and I, celebrating Mother's Day together.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was a wonderful Mother's Day spent with the people I love most!

 

 

Momma Babble v. 006 Sleep Training

Jesse started sleeping through the night when he was just 2 months old. "This is wonderful," I thought. "How lucky did I get?" I thought. "I'm so glad my baby can sleep through the night," I thought.

 

And then he turned 4 months old, and cue the "4 month sleep regression."

 

I went back to work when Jesse was around 4 months, and I chalked his lack of sleeping through the night to the fact that our routine was majorly disrupted when I went back to work. I honestly didn't mind getting up with him in the night and nursing him and rocking him back to sleep, because I missed spending time with him through the day.

 

Fast forward to 9 months old. And STILL waking up like a newborn, every 2-3 hours.

 

I was to the point where I was no longer nursing him, and the frequent, habitual nighttime wakings were starting to take a toll on me.

 

One day, I was talking to my mom on the phone and she mentioned a blog she had read called, "How to Get a Baby to Sleep Through the Night." She said that it sounded to her that Jesse was waking up out of habit, and that we all needed better sleep. "Jesse can take naps throughout the day to make up for the sleep he doesn't get," she said, "and you can't."

 

It's true. I was exhausted. Some mornings after being up 4-5 times during the night, the coffee needed to be a little extra strong.

 

Now, when Mom mentioned the blog she had read, I was instantly filled with dread. I had heard about these sleep training methods before. The whole "cry-it-out" thing is NOT something that I ever wanted to subject my baby to. I didn't want to let him cry, alone in the dark... developing a sense of insecurity because Mommy wasn't coming to his rescue. But I decided to read the blog anyway to see what it had to say.

 

The sleep experts cited in the article suggested a few strategies that didn't seem so harsh, though. For instance, some sleep training methods say you have to watch the clock and can only go in to comfort your baby after x number of minutes. Some methods say, absolutely positively DO NOT speak to your baby or make eye contact with them. While the sleep experts were adamant that you should not pick up your baby from the crib, they said it was perfectly fine to touch the baby, talk to him, and make eye contact with him. And instead of watching the clock, you listen to the baby's cry. When his cry is at its peak, that's when you go in. If the cries are starting to lessen in intensity and get further apart, that's a sign that he's starting to self-soothe.

 

The ultimate goal of a sleep training program is to help the baby develop ways to soothe himself when he wakes up, so that he isn't relying on Momma's touch to put him back to sleep.

 

I decided that I wanted to go ahead with this method. Just try it for a few days and see if it made a difference. I recorded my experience on my phone so that I could keep track of how each night went.

 

Here's our story.

 

Night 1: Put baby to bed at 9pm. He woke at 9:30, fussed for a few seconds, and then fell back to sleep. Woke up at 10:15. I went in multiple times to attempt to help soothe him. He stood there holding onto his crib, wailing. There were times when his cries would calm, but then they would intensify again, so I would go in again. I sat outside of his bedroom door on the floor, crying with him. It's so hard to hear your baby cry! At 10:40, I took a pacifier in to him. He took the binky and seemed to get settled. I hugged him while he was standing at the rails and he was all but falling asleep, standing up. I left him laying on his back with his binky in, stuffed puppy blankey under his arm, and a light blanket over his lower half. He woke up at 11:45. I made him a bottle (he was used to getting a bottle around midnight during one of his wakings), and when I laid him down after the bottle, he cried HARD. He stood up again, walked back and forth across his crib holding onto the rails and sobbed. I ended up breaking the rules. I went in and picked him up and held him for 5 minutes to get him to calm down. When I laid him back down, I had to come back into the room 2 more times before I got him to stay down on his belly. I had to "shhhhhhhhh" really loudly and firmly pat his back for him to fall asleep. And when he finally fell asleep, he slept till 6am.

 

 

 

Night 2: Jesse had only napped once all day, so by 6:15 he was exhausted. Gave him a bottle around 7. I laid him down in his crib after the bottle, still awake, around 7:15 and he cried until 7:50. His cries became a soft whimper at that point, and by 8:05 he was asleep. He slept all night! He woke up 3:25 and cried softly for a minute and then went back to sleep.

 

Night 3: Very little napping again during the day. Had his bedtime bottle around 8:45, and then laid him in his crib awake at 8:52. He cried for 3 minutes, and then was asleep by 9:00. He woke up at 10:30 and cried for less than a minute and then went back to sleep. Woke at 3:00, stood and cried. I went in to soothe him when his cries became intense. He was back to sleep by 3:15.

 

Night 4: He cried for less than a minute when I laid him down for bed. Woke up around midnight, cried for a minute, and went back to sleep. Woke up at 2:15, stood and cried. He went back to sleep at 2:30 after I went in once to soothe him. Awake again at 4:25.

 

Night 5: Cried for less than 20 seconds when we laid him down at bedtime. Woke up around midnight, I went in and helped to soothe him one time, and then he was asleep by 12:20. Woke up at 2:30, and he was able to soothe himself back to sleep. Slept till 5.

 

Night 6: Cried for about 10 minutes when we laid him down, had to soothe him once. Woke up for a bottle at 5, and then slept till 7!

 

Night 7: Slept all night till 5am, took a bottle and went back to sleep till 7 :-)

 

 

 

 

And Jesse continues to fuss a little bit when we lay him down at night (although some nights he just rolls onto his belly, sticking his bottom up in the air, and falls right to sleep), and then SLEEPS THROUGH THE NIGHT!!! He wakes up around 5 for a bottle. On a school day, we get up at 5 to get ready for the day. On the weekend, he will take his 5am bottle, and then go back to sleep till 7.

 

 

 

Although it was a rough week of sleep training, Jesse has learned how to soothe himself, and we have broken the habitual waking pattern that had caused us so many sleepless nights.

 

SLEEP IS GRAND!!! :-)

 



Momma Babble V005

So, it's been a while since I shared out how motherhood is treating me. Last time I checked in, I was about to go back to work. Well, I've been back to work for 9 weeks now. Part of me was very ready for some routine in my life and was really looking forward to being back in the classroom. A bigger part of me was struggling with the concept of going from spending every waking (and non-waking - LOL) hour with my baby boy, to having about a solid 2 hours of "awake" quality time with him each day. He's always so happy when he wakes up in the mornings, even when it's 5am. It pains me to have to load him up in the car and take him to someone else for the day, when I know that there's going to be tons of smiles and giggles to be experienced. When I pick him up in the evenings and bring him home, it's the end of his day and he's tired. He tends to be a little more fussy and temperamental in the evening. It's hard knowing someone else is getting "the best part of his day."

 

I knew it was going to be hard... and I was hoping it would get easier. BUT IT HASN'T! In fact, the more interactive he becomes, the harder it is to walk out the door and leave him in the mornings. There's a lot of stress and pressure at work, and I often find myself daydreaming of being home with my baby. Thankfully, I get multiple text and picture updates throughout the day... so that helps! But I really just miss being with my baby. Such a struggle! I know I'm doing the right thing by working to provide a nice life FOR my baby... just hate the sacrifices that have to be made in doing so. I live for my weekends so I can spend my entire day with J.

 

Another "struggle" that I faced since going back to work was realizing I was going to have to start supplementing with formula much sooner than I originally hoped. My goal was to breastfeed exclusively until Jesse was 6 months, and over the summer I had stock piled a couple hundred ounces of frozen milk. I quickly found when I started back to work that I was producing about HALF as much as Jesse was taking in bottles while I was away. I would pump anywhere from 8 - 12, sometimes 14 ounces and he would consistently take closer to 18-22 ounces while I was at work. The frozen stash began to deplete tremendously... and (sorry for TMI), but my menstrual cycle decided to return at 10 weeks postpartum, and during those weeks each month, my supply tanks BIG TIME. Needless to say, the frozen stash dwindled away to the point that I knew we were going to have to start supplementing with formula sooner than I wanted.

 

I tried my hardest to keep up with Jesse's intake... I was pumping on the way to work, 2-3 times during the school day in a storage room, on the way to get Jesse after work, while I was nursing Jesse in the evenings... and I would even set my alarm and get up through the night to pump. I was basically killing myself, trying to keep up with him. And then I realized that my sanity is important... and that formula IS NOT the devil... and that it would be okay to supplement when I needed to. So, now that I'm supplementing, I just pump during the school day and have around 8 ounces at the end of the day for his next day's bottles. The rest I make in formula for while I'm gone. He has done wonderfully with taking the formula, and he continues to nurse when we are at home. The only setback we've had with the formula (and it may be completely unrelated) is that he had a little bit of eczema that has gotten worse in the last few weeks that he's been having some formula in his diet. Maybe it's related, maybe it's not - hoping to get some answers tomorrow at the doctor's office.

 

So how am I doing? I'm staying afloat. Barely getting by at work, which is difficult for me to swallow. Last year, it would be nothing for me to stay and work in my classroom till 5 or so... now, I want to get outta dodge as soon as I can after school so I can have more time with my baby. I know I'm not putting forth my personal best, but I honestly just don't have the time (or energy, most days) to keep up with it all. There are lots of new programs and initiatives this year and I'm trying to learn them all, but it's challenging. I don't feel like I'm being a great teacher, and because of the amount of work I have to do at home, I don't feel like I'm being a good mom. It's to the point where I won't even work on school work in the evenings because I REFUSE to sit my baby off by himself to play or watch TV for the sake of doing work... I just can't sacrifice anymore of my time with him, especially during these young years... he'll never be little again and he's growing up so fast! So that means staying up until ungodly hours to get it all done after he goes to bed. ...To then wake up and have no energy to do it all over again the next morning.

 

Everyone tells me that this is something all new moms go though; trying to balance it all. Honestly, I think I'd still be pretty stressed if the baby wasn't in the equation because of all the pressure at work. I was hoping by now, mid-October, that I'd have a grip on things and would have some systems in place that work. But I'm not quite there yet.

 

Just staying afloat. Hanging on.

 

It can only get better... right?

 

 

Momma Babble V004



Well, it's that dreaded time.   No, really. It's not THAT bad.   It's time to go back to work.   *sigh*   ...Well, okay. Let's be honest. Maybe it's not going to be as easy as I thought.   I have one more solid day with my baby boy before I return to work full-time. The last 103 days with Jesiah have been absolutely amazing. I can't believe he's almost 15 weeks old! Crazyness. I've been so blessed with the timing of his birth, that I didn't have to return to school for the remainder of the school year (he was born on May 1st - literally six weeks to the end of the school year - PERFECT timing, aka God's timing). God must've known that I wouldn't be ready to go back to work after just six weeks with this angel. I mean, LOOK at him! Who wouldn't want to stare into these baby blues all day long?!  

taken today, 8/12/13

Do I want to go back to work? Of course not. But you know what? For having to go back to work, I've got a pretty good set-up. First of all, being a teacher, my schedule allows me to be home evenings, weekends, holidays, an entire week over Christmas, and all summer long. So if I have to work, I'm pretty blessed that I'll still be able to have so much time with my baby. Secondly, the people caring for my sweet baby boy are the only people in this world who love our baby as much as we do - the grandparents! My mother is going to keep the baby Monday-Thursday, and on Friday's the baby will go to his other grandmother's house. My mom is only 20 minutes from where I work, and I love that he'll only be a short distance away from me during most days. I have a little bit of anxiety about him being so far away on Fridays (he'll be about an hour away from me), just because he's never been more than 20 minutes away from me, EVER. I'm sure the mommy's out there, young and old, remember what that feels like. But I know he will be in good hands regardless of where he is, so that helps to ease my anxiety. Jesse is going to love growing up and being close to his grandparents. :-)

 

There is a part of me that is looking forward to being back in the classroom. So much of my identity pre-baby was the "Mrs. Caudill in the classroom." I'm excited to learn a whole new class of kiddos and be their second grade teacher. I just hope that I don't grow resentful that I spend more time per day with my students than my own baby :-( Here's the kicker... I actually have a "Jesse" in my class this year - first time I've ever had a Jesse in my class! I hope he's a good boy... LOL.

 

Thankfully, my administrators have been absolutely supportive in my wishes to continue breastfeeding and the need to pump throughout the school day. I also recently ordered a TON of prints of Jesse to hang around my classroom, so I'll be able to see his sweet face all day long. I'm reading up on freezer cooking and hoping to have a cooking day sometime between now and the beginning of September to freeze several meals to take a little bit of stress off of my evenings. Is it horrible that I've actually considered hiring a clean lady? :-/  I know I'm just going to want to spend my time in the evenings with my baby, so I'm nervous about everything that is going to need to be done. I'm going to have to make it a point to use my planning time productively at school so I don't have a ton to bring home in the evenings. I know once the week gets rolling and we fall into a routine, things should fall into place *hopefully*.

 

So, keep me in your prayers as I start back to work this week! Pray for a smooth transition with minimal anxiety. Thank you!

 

Post cards that I sent to my students in the mail today:

 

 

 

 

 

Momma Babble V003



During my pregnancy, I remember telling many of my girlfriends that I was more nervous about breastfeeding than I was about actually giving birth. I wanted to breastfeed so badly, for the benefits for the baby, the bonding experience, and for the sake of saving some money (formula is expensive!).   This post is about my experience with breastfeeding thus far. If the topic makes you squeamish, go ahead and navigate away from this page :-) Don't worry - there are no boob photos, just a few funny cartoons. This post is not intended to spur debate on breastfeeding vs. formula feeding, either. I just simply want to document my experience as a first time mommy, so that 1) I don't forget what these days are like! 2) I might be able to help/encourage someone else in their own experience as a breastfeeding mommy.   So, let's break the ice... shall we?  

  When Jesse was born, one of the first things the nurse said to me as she was cleaning him off and getting his measurements was, "Are you planning to breastfeed? I hope so - this boy has quite the suck!"   Jesse took to breastfeeding like a champ. It absolutely amazed me that he knew exactly what to do; I just needed to figure out things on my end. What position was going to work best? Would I need to use a nipple shield? Would I be able to get him to latch properly?   Thankfully, I had the help of some AMAZING nurses when I was in the hospital. Each one helped in their own way, with various suggestions. My first nurse had me using the nipple shield to help Jesse latch on, and she showed me how to do the football hold.  

 

The football hold wasn't working the greatest with the nipple shield. I was trying to hold Jesse's head in one hand, hold the shield on my breast with the other hand, while also supporting my breast with that same hand. ....Yeah, it was a crazy juggling act. I was trying to do all of the above and get my baby to latch, and it just wasn't working the greatest when I didn't have the help of the nurse.

 

My next nurse was an older woman. She was helpful during my little breakdown that I mentioned in {{this}} post. She suggested that I try a different position with Jesse, but I just wasn't emotionally in a good place to focus and learn. Instead, she just supported me in a different way. She took my face in her hands and looked me in the eyes and said, "It's okay. It's going to get better. DO NOT GIVE UP! Let's give it a break and try again in an hour. You'll get this." She was so patient and encouraging. I needed that pep talk!

 

That night, my next nurse was a LIFESAVER. She worked with me for hours. She showed me that I didn't actually need the nipple shield. She also showed me how to nurse using the cross-cradle hold. When she showed me how to get Jesse to latch without the nipple shield, I couldn't believe how different it felt. He was "going to town," doing his thing... and it finally felt right. The lactation consultant came in to work with me the following day before we went home, and she agreed that I didn't need the shield and that the cross-cradle position was the best for us. She recommended that I didn't offer the baby a pacifier because he might become confused with the nipple.

 

...And let's take a break. Time for another cartoon:

 

 

 When we got home from the hospital, Jesse continued to do great with breastfeeding. At night time, he had a few nights where he would nurse and then wouldn't want to be put back down to bed. He'd fuss, wanting to suck some more. At 2:00am on one of those long, fussy, "I only want to suck on my Mommy" nights, I went rummaging through the baby's closet to find the pacifiers that had been given to me at my shower. I had the lactation nurse's voice in one ear saying, "Don't do it..." and then I had the voice of reason (AKA my mom) in the other ear saying, "Give him a binky. Some babies just need to suck. It will help soothe him." So what did I do? I listened to my mother, of course :-) I found those pacifiers, washed them, gave one to Jesse... and it satisfied him. He happily sucked away on his binky while I *finally* got some rest. Having the pacifier hasn't "confused" Jesse at all. He still does great with the breastfeeding. If he doesn't have his binky, he starts to suck on his hands. My worry is that he will want to start to suck his thumb. I'd rather he had a binky than deal with the potential ramifications of thumb sucking, but that's just me.  

 

There have been a few fussy nights here and there, where Jesse just wants to nurse, nurse, nurse. Usually these nights fall within a growth spurt. He gets mad - turns red, pulls his head back (while he's still latched... ouch), and starts to cry. It's like he's not getting enough from me. I went online after a few frustrating nights of this behavior, wondering if I should give him a bottle during these fussy nights to help calm him down. Everything I read, though, said "Absolutely not." Your body will produce more milk if it's stimulated to do so - so, unless the baby is nursing/sucking, your body will not produce more milk to meet his demands. Eventually my body caught up with what he wanted/needed. I'm glad I didn't resort to the bottle!

 

I do pump every day and store between 1-3 three ounce servings in the freezer. I'm building up my stock pile for when I go back to work. It's also nice to have a bottle for my hubby to feed the baby occasionally, as well as to be able to go away for a few hours at a time. At first we were using Tommee Tippee bottles, however Jesse was really gassy after he would feed from one of those bottles. So, I switched to the Playtex drop-ins and he does MUCH better with these. No problems at all!

 

My current stock pile...right next to the sweet potato fries, LOL

The great thing about breastfeeding is that you don't have to do a lot of extra prep to get out the door with the baby. As long as I have my nursing cover, I'm okay to breastfeed where ever we go. Some places have special rooms for nursing mothers - which is really nice. Other times, I'm crawling into the back seat to feed the baby when leaving a store. I'm comfortable nursing in public with my nursing cover, but I know it makes some people uncomfortable so I try to find a private place to breastfeed.

 

I'm so relieved that breastfeeding is going well for us. How much longer will I breastfeed? As long as I can. I know it will get tricky when I go back to work, but we will see what happens. I'm so glad I didn't give up when it was difficult in the beginning. :-)

 

Momma Babble V002

Perspective.

 

It can change in a lickety-split instant.

 

When you become a mother, your whole world changes. The moment they place that newborn baby on your belly, you get a new set of eyes. You view life completely differently. You no longer think of yourself first, you think of your baby. You no longer worry about superficial things, like the fact that you have spit-up in your hair, or that you're not always wearing cute and stylish outfits (because let's be honest - some days it's a God-given miracle that you even make it out of your pajamas by lunchtime!). You no longer speed up at yellow lights; you slow down... because you have precious living, breathing cargo in the backseat of the car. Life changes. Your perspective changes.

 

Having a baby has completely altered my perspective, especially in regards to some pretty important relationships in my life: my relationship with my mom, and my relationship with Christ.

 

My Momma and I on Mother's Day this year

 

My mom and I have always been close... but becoming a mother has elevated my relationship with her to a whole new level. She's been my rock, my go-to-girl when I need an encouraging word or advice. She's reassured me when I needed a pep-talk, let me cry on her shoulder (figuring out mommyhood can be tough!), and reminds me that in the end, everything will be okay. Having a baby of my own, I now understand my parents' love for me. And I feel really badly about the times I broke their hearts... those times in the teenage years when we didn't always get along, they were just trying to protect my heart. Because that's what parents do - from the moment you hold your baby, you realize that you will do ANYTHING to keep them from harm.

 

Having a child has also changed my perspective in my personal relationship with Christ. Growing up, I heard the Bible stories about God sending his Son to die for us. In church on Sunday mornings, we sing songs about God's love for us. But honestly, I'm not sure that the depth of God's love for me really sank in until I became a mother. Because now I know how it feels to love my own child. I know the heart-swelling, mind-blowing love that comes from just a glance at my little boy. How much more does the Father in Heaven love us!? We are HIS children. He feels that way about me. (And you, for that matter.) And the fact that He sent his Son to Earth, knowing fully well that Jesus would be hung on a cross to die for our sins before joining Him again in heaven... that just overwhelms me. He loves me so much that He sent His Son to die for me and my sins?!?  WOW. Having a son of my own has helped me to better understand God's love for me, and that greater understanding of His love has drawn my heart even closer to Him.

 

Lots of things change when you have a baby... that's for sure! :-) I'm loving my view through the lens of motherhood.

 

 

 



Momma Babble V001

Famous question these days:

 

"So, how's motherhood?"

In two words:

A rollercoaster.

There are definitely wayyyy more ups than downs, but believe me I have experienced my share of both.

I've only been a Mommy for 19 days now, and I have had moments of pure joy and elation... and moments when I couldn't pull myself together after crying when I wasn't even entirely sure why I was crying. Darn HORMONES!!!

Let's start with the night my precious son, Jesiah (aka "Jesse") was born. I cried tears of pure joy as my dream of having a child finally came true. When they laid that 6lb 10oz sweet bundle of fresh baby joy on my belly, I cried. When they turned him over so I could see his sweet face and our eyes met, it was love at first sight. I knew in that very moment that I would do anything for this little boy. Through my tears, I remember saying to him, "We've waited so long for you, baby."

Definitely one of those "high" moments.

Less than 24 hours later, (around 5pm the next day) I was sitting on my hospital bed, exhausted, trying to breastfeed, feeling so darn guilty about the fact that my baby boy had to have that God awful IV in his tiny little arm to help regulate his blood sugars because of MY gestational diabetes. All at once, I started to cry... I couldn't pull myself together. I gave the baby to Jason and was knee-deep in tissues as my family started pouring into the hospital room, expecting to see a glowing new Mommy. I was so overwhelmed by all of the emotions I was feeling. I hadn't had any sleep in over two nights, breastfeeding had started out GREAT but as soon as Jesse got the IV put in, his desire to breastfeed went out the window which left me feeling incredibly confused and frustrated (by the way, his appetite came back full force on the last day in the hospital when he had the IV taken out and breastfeeding has been GREAT since then), and I just felt so guilty about his IV. I was hardly in any shape to have visitors, and as awful as I felt doing so, I had to text a bunch of people that I knew were coming to say that it just wasn't a good time. :-(  I wanted to show off my baby boy... but I literally couldn't stop crying.

Definitely a "low" moment.

Then there are the moments when I watch my husband with our baby boy. I swear to you, my heart feels like it could EXPLODE sometimes when I watch those two together. The way he talks to Jesse, handles him so gently, it makes my heart melt. I see them together and think that everything in my world is perfect and complete. I have an awesome husband and a sweet baby boy. I am a blessed girl.

Total "high" moment :-)

We came home from the hospital on a Friday and Jason had to start back to work that Monday. He started a new job within the year, so he doesn't have a lot of time built up to take off quite yet. So... after the weekend, it was just me and my baby boy. I had help being offered from all angles... but did I take it??? NO!

I wanted to be...

''And how did that work out for you?" you might ask.

It was great for the first couple of days! Jesse was breastfeeding like a champ, we were falling into nice little routines during the day, everything seemed to be going fine and dandy. But then the sun would go down. As it began to get dark, I would have this tightness come across my chest. I think I had some feelings of anxiety as the night time would approach. Initially, Jesse wasn't sleeping the greatest at night. He would want to nurse constantly and would fuss as soon as I would lay him down. I called my mom one night in tears... told her I wasn't even sure why I was crying. I mean, I have such a great baby and things have been going so well. She helped me to understand that I was experiencing normal new mommy feelings... that I was exhausted (this was so true), and having a newborn baby can be overwhelming. Thank God for mothers! She spent some time with me later that week and it was so wonderful just to have someone else here during the day. I think the loneliness was starting to get to me, too. As Jesse has become better with sleeping at night (and my body has adjusted to getting less sleep), those feelings of anxiety have quickly subsided.

Being a Mom has been an awesome experience so far... Yes, there are some low moments when my emotions and hormones take over, but for the most part, I am living the dream that I thought would never come true. :-)

Until the next edition of Momma Babble... xoxox